I wish i was in the wii world.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
