Sry I called you an 8
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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