I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
We got so high we made milksteak
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
