dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
