Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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