Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
