I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
this will be a night to untag.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
