you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
