i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
