how hairy? two words: wookie tits
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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