dude i'm inner monologue high
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
