hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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