sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
