I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
