just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
