I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
