Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Randomize
