I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
