The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
that's an acceptable place to lick
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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