I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
