I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
