Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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