she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
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