watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i think i have two assholes
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He? As in you personified your dick?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
