I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
