i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Everything about him screamed your future.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
