mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
