"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Oh god it's open bar.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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