remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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