Your mouth is God's brothel.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
