I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
