Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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