it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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