We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Blood and glitter go together right?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
