absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
