My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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