drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He? As in you personified your dick?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
