I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
