You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
