found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Your penis caused this!
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
