HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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