he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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