So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
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