wat bout pragnant strippers??
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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