No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
