i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
