I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
