I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
