So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
