Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
This show inspires me to have sex in space
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
