So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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