im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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