You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
