Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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