This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
