it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
