she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
