Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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