I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
So much rum. So many feels.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
