I just cut my nipple shaving
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
