So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
