Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
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