My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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