just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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