Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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